Friends, Family and Children

I think sometimes I feel insecure with friends. If it's me and at least two other people, I feel like the third wheel. I feel like I might as well be invisible because it's the others who are having fun without me. I kind of think it's because I'm too serious, it's hard for me to loosen up and just have fun. For me, everything has to be a certain way. Why am I like this even in my friendships? Being like this will cause me to not have many friends. It's not like this with all my friends. There are only a few people who I feel at ease with and don't feel like I have to compare myself to them or feel jealous. Thank God for those people in my life.

Sometimes, I even feel insecure around family and/or friends who have children. I feel like I can't relate to what they are saying, how would I know, I don't have children. I feel like I have nothing in common with them. When you have children they are your life, they are all people talk about and if you have a conversation with them, it's always about their children or their family, so I feel like I don't have any common ground. Now, please don't be offended if you have children, I'm just saying how it is from my childless perspective only.

Sometimes I feel like I should have a kid just so that I can be like everyone else. It's uncommon nowadays to be a young married couple and not have children, people almost find it incredulous if you don't have them, as if life is only about getting married and starting a family. It's also about living and dying and life lessons and finding out about yourself. It's so much more.

Although, I don't know why I am even saying this stuff because it's not like I am that social. Jesse and I are such homebodies these days. I hardly do any social activities at all, not like I did in college when I had bible study and Salt and church and sports. So, if I'm not very social then why are these very social issues of friends and family such an issue for me? I guess because I find myself in these types of situation every now and again.

I think what got the ball rolling for me about this is my friend that drove all the way from Beaverton Oregon to come and see me and our house yesterday. She brought her children and she is one of those friends I mentioned above that I feel like I can be myself and totally at ease with and not insecure in any way. And I thought about how nice it felt to be around her and feel relaxed and not feel like I'm at a loss for words or find myself struggling what to say or do or think. I can just be me. It's a feeling that has stayed with me.

So, this is my rambling for the day, maybe even for the rest of the week. I hope I didn't offend any of my family that I know have children, my sis and cousins. It is just how I feel at the moment. It doesn't mean I dislike children, it just means I don't have any and that comes with a price as well.